so i’m not good at talking about how i feel but lately it’s like these overpowering overwhelming thoughts about killing myself to make other people happy and i’ve tried changing my mindset but it doesn’t really work out and i’m losing more and more sleep due to this and i have school in the morning and it’s already 1 am and i’m exhausted but no matter what i try nothing helps me sleep and i feel alone

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so i’m not good at talking about how i feel but lately it’s like these overpowering overwhelming thoughts about killing myself to make other people happy and i’ve tried changing my mindset but it doesn’t really work out and i’m losing more and more sleep due to this and i have school in the morning and it’s already 1 am and i’m exhausted but no matter what i try nothing helps me sleep and i feel alone

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😔 Depression
so i’m not good at talking about how i feel but lately it’s like these overpowering overwhelming thoughts about killing myself to make other people happy and i’ve tried changing my mindset but it doesn’t really work out and i’m losing more and more sleep due to this and i have school in the morning and it’s already 1 am and i’m exhausted but no matter what i try nothing helps me sleep and i feel alone
jerimah
You know it’s crazy in going through the same exact thing but hear me out
it’s just so exhausting i lost about all my friends bc i tried telling them how i felt and they turned it into an argument
jerimah
I know we all feel like talking to someone makes us feel weak/terrible but talking to someone could really help
jerimah
If they don’t understand we’re they really friends?
they’ve just changed so much
and i have a fear of speaking up bc of past experiences of them telling other people or them turning it into an argument and using it against me
jerimah
You wanna know something I’ve realized being depressed for all this time?
so i mainly stay to myself and most of the time it comes back and bites me in the ass
yeah
jerimah
No matter how much you want time to stop for you, it’s just gonna jump over you and keep going.
true
i’ve been 6 months clean and lately i’ve been having a lot of urges to self harm in just mentally and physically tired
jerimah
Why tho?
yesterday i accidentally fell asleep and my grandpa yelled at me bc i said i didn’t want to eat and then he walked out and i ended up accidentally falling asleep again and then he came in and screamed at the top of his lungs why i’m a disgusting lazy brat and then he walked over to me and i knew this part was coming and then he hit me and it’s been happening for a few months now after he found out i was cutting
bc it can be from just hating the way i look or feeling alone and feeling like i need to feel something from being so numb for so long
Honolulu
Girl I’m here to tell you that it is all temporary and you will look back on all of this one day and be so proud of the person you became.
jerimah
I can tell you’re young so you have your while life ahead of you. Yes this is only temporary but cutting is never the answer
growing up was extremely hard i was raped about 4 times by my own blood and at the time i didnt know what was happening by the time i was 9 i was already fucked up and my moms ex got drunk one night and held a gun to my head the whole time he was raping me holding my mouth shut so i wouldn’t make a sound and threatening to kill my mom if i ever said anything about it once he got locked up he started sending me letters apologizing and shit like he misses me and i still have them
it’s about 200 hundred of them
jerimah
If anything you take from what I’m saying, just talk to someone. It’ll make you feel better, it’s up to you.
i was abused my him and i never felt safe and to this day i struggle to ever really feel safe
that’s the problem
i’m not sure how to talk to someone this is the most i’ve opened up in idk how long i’ve been holding it all in
Honolulu
That’s HORRIBLE. and I’m sorry that happened. You just have to keep pushing forward I know it’s hard. Do you have anyone that makes you feel safe?
jerimah
I regret not talking sooner because I now have to depend on pills to feel like myself and I promise you don’t want that
Honolulu
That’s what we are here for hun. You can open up as much as you need. ❤️❤️
my bsf sarah but sometimes i don’t want to bother her bc i feel like if i bother her too much she will leave like the rest
i started taking pills already for anxiety and adhd i tried telling my mom about my thoughts but she just put it behind us
Honolulu
Don’t let those thoughts stop you from talking to her. If she’s a real one she’s gonna stick around.
jerimah
You can text me anytime, I can’t force you to do anything but I really do you get the hell and answers you’re looking for❤️
i had an anxiety attack yesterday at school it was kinda all a blur first i realized that my sight was getting blurry and my ears started ringing and i was shaking the kid in front of me tried talking to me but i couldn’t hear him he got the teacher and the teacher took me to the hall and i kinda just collapsed there
thank you
Honolulu
Another thing about anxiety is intrusive thoughts are very much a thing. And you should acknowledge them but not read too much into them.
yeah i’ve realized that
Honolulu
Also please recognize you are not a burden to anyone, you can talk things out here and we will listen. I’m sorry you had an anxiety attack
after my mom and dad divorced my dad moved in with his new fiancé and they had a baby and i’m grateful for my lil sister but it’s almost like i don’t exist anymore and at my house my mom is never home so it’s just me and my grandparents and that’s not always great
thank you
Honolulu
Have you talked to your mom about how you feel??
and i can’t stay at my dads bc my room is the guest room snd if there is guest i won’t have anywhere to sleep
i’ve tried she just said i was fine just over reacting and put it behind us
i barely see my mom she goes to work then straight to school
Honolulu
So high school is hard, it’s a very awkward 4 years, but I promise you once you graduate and move out. You will really start finding and loving
Honolulu
Yourself
i honestly wish i could just go online but it’s really hard for me bc my adhd but i hate going to school and constantly feeling judged and it’s hard to make friends to walk with bc i don’t really talk to people
Honolulu
You are so strong, and I know you can keep going hun. Your past is hard and I’m sorry. but you will absolutely get through it❤️
thank you ! i appreciate it
do you have any tips about keeping food down
Honolulu
I have adhd too and I know the struggle! It’s hard as hell to keep up with everyone else. But don’t compare yourself to anyone!
i haven’t ate in two day bc everything i eat never stays down and all i been drinking is water and i’ve tried eating a salad a sandwich or anything and nothing seems to stay down
Honolulu
Eat little bits at a time 🙂 even a little bit is better than nothing.
Honolulu
Even if it’s a handful of crackers
i ate half of a slim jim tonight but that’s about it and i barely even kept that down i had to take a bite then drink water then keep doing it like that then i felt sick
Honolulu
Are you having any other symptoms?
i tend to get dizzy a lot and cramps in my stomach and a bunch weight loss and then i gain it back then lose it again
i have really bad migraines after throwing up too
Honolulu
So try to structure your diet a bit. 3 meals a day and it’ll help with all of the fluctuation. You’re drinking lots of water you said?
yes
but idk how to keep meals down
Honolulu
How long has the inability to eat been going on?
about a week in a half maybe two
Honolulu
Have you been especially stressed these past couple weeks?
yes at times i find myself really stressed
Honolulu
I know that stress and anxiety can affect how much you eat. And if you’re on adhd medication that will affect it a lot!
yeah i just started taking my adhd meds before school started so about three weeks ago
Honolulu
I guess just the little bits you can keep down make sure it’s protein and veggies. And stay hydrated!
and that week after taking it i had migraines and now it’s this
Honolulu
THATLL DO IT
Honolulu
I lost so much weight when I was taking adderall
Honolulu
It’s definitely the medication. And it affects your sleep immensely
yeah me too it’s odd bc i lose it and then gain it all back
Honolulu
So I found that medication made my anxiety worse maybe talk to your doctor about that
yeah it’s already 2 am i have to be up at 7 am and i have a hard time having the motivation to get up in the mornings to get ready
Honolulu
When you’re on it you feel like a million bucks then when it wears off it tends to make you feel depressed and anxious
yeah it seems that way for me too but i have to wait till october to talk to my doctor about fixing my medication
yes
and it usually wears off by 4th period which is study hall
Honolulu
Okay so are you able to function well without it tho?
i find it extremely hard to focus and realize what i have to do and i tend to get behind
and usually when it wears off i get a headache some worse than others
Honolulu
I have the exact same thing. What helps me is waking up, having coffee, and working out (I hate working out) but it makes me feel so much better and
Honolulu
Really helps me stay focused
Honolulu
I got some monster head aches when I was taking it
yeah so i guess when i go talk to my doctor i have to tell him that i can feel when it wears off bc i usually get a headache after and loss of appetite
Honolulu
I literally LOATHE ENTIRELY the thought of working out but it seriously does help out with self confidence and focus
Honolulu
That and it makes anxiety sky rocket
i struggle with body image a lot so maybe that will help
yeah
Honolulu
It’s almost not worth focusing if you’re gonna be super anxious when it wears off that’s what I learned
Honolulu
Yes I struggle with that too and even after 2 days of working out I promise you you will look in the mirror and feel so much better about yourself
yeah that’s why i stopped taking it last year but i realized after i stopped my grades dropped terribly
Honolulu
That’s okay, you can make it through without meds. I did! It was hard but I did it. It’s gonna take some tutoring and you’re gonna have to work a
Honolulu
Little harder than others but that’s okay
yeah
Honolulu
You are perfect just the way you are. And I believe that you can overcome all of this without meds. You just gotta focus on yourself
thank you so much for letting me get everything out maybe that’s what i needed bc everything was just overwhelming my head and maybe that’s what was keeping me awake
Honolulu
Do you have any hobbies? What makes you happy?
thank you so much i used to paint but i lost my imagination to do so
Honolulu
Of course girl 🙂 I’m always here. And start focusing on what makes you happy. Maybe go buy a canvas and get creative. Spark that little part in
Honolulu
Your brain
Honolulu
I always watch the office when I’m upset and that seems to help lol
yeah maybe i can get out a canvas and paint tomorrow and start sketching things out bc it also seems to help with stress
Honolulu
Ask Sarah if she wants to start working out!
i usually watch Chicago med
Honolulu
Yes!! Definitely get a book so you can sketch when you’re stressed
alright
okay i will
Honolulu
I really hope you feel better Hailey, let me know if you need anything ❤️ have a good day at school tomorrow and before you take your meds it also
Honolulu
Helps to eat a little snack before 🙂
alright thank you again i appreciate you goodnight:)
Honolulu
Goodnight 🙂

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September 15, 2021Uncategorizedpatthehumanfeel, hard, just, know, like, much, really, thats, time, youre



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