In 25-50 years whether alive or dead and my journal(if it survives) is found and read. Would they read the writings of a man who found wisdom and content or the contents of a mad man who never found peace.

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In 25-50 years whether alive or dead and my journal(if it survives) is found and read. Would they read the writings of a man who found wisdom and content or the contents of a mad man who never found peace.

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In 25-50 years whether alive or dead and my journal(if it survives) is found and read. Would they read the writings of a man who found wisdom and content or the contents of a mad man who never found peace.
helloiamagiraffe
That’s deep
It’s something I wrote in my journal.
helloiamagiraffe
But like dude
helloiamagiraffe
That’s like deep
Something I’m reflecting on. Is if this is found, what would they read? Who am I to become? Will journaling help me process answers and find solutions.
helloiamagiraffe
Maybe
Or will they find a book full of chaos and anger and where will I be?
helloiamagiraffe
It’s whatever you make it
Right now I’m just so angry. Always have been. I’m not content. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I don’t love myself.
helloiamagiraffe
I feel you.
I’m not a poet or an arbitrator of words. I am not a philosopher nor am I a Great man! I am just me and in that alone I feel lacking.
helloiamagiraffe
It’s ok
__a_dark_knight__
Have you learn to control that anger inside of you
__a_dark_knight__
Learned *
The question is how?
helloiamagiraffe
Well what’s the answer do you think
I do not know
helloiamagiraffe
What do you think the answer is
I think the answer is found within stillness. A place of quiet, where all the answers reside. But my life is too loud and the path is obscure because I think I refuse to see it.
helloiamagiraffe
Have you made any mistakes in the past that you feel have impacted you now
Of course
helloiamagiraffe
Like what
helloiamagiraffe
And how can you make up for them
I don’t think I can make up for them.
helloiamagiraffe
What are they in curious
helloiamagiraffe
I’m
I can apologize, learn and move on but it can still never undo anything that was done.
helloiamagiraffe
Really?
It’s a mistake that’s best kept to myself. One that can easily be misunderstood and people are slow to understand and quick to judge.
helloiamagiraffe
Well I’m not quick to judge or slow to understand but it’s ok if you don’t want to share what it is
I have never killed anyone, nor have I been to jail. So it’s not a mistake like that. But I think all kids makes mistakes. I’ve made many mistakes as a kid. I’m sure as an adult I still make them time to time.
helloiamagiraffe
Yeah
All I can learn is not to repeat them, to grow from them and mature as a being.
helloiamagiraffe
How have you grown and matured from them
That’s the thing. I don’t think I have.
helloiamagiraffe
I’m sorry
Growing up as a child in a single mother household, I been abused sexually, physically, mentally.
helloiamagiraffe
Dude I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through but I know a solution to all mine and I can’t do it because it’s a permanent solution
helloiamagiraffe
To a temporary problem
Then at the age of 9 my mother signed her rights away and I was hauled off to foster care and a year after my grandmother who was kind, who tried to care for me massed away.
helloiamagiraffe
Aww I’m sorry
Passed*
I’m 33 now and I deal with self-esteem issues. I don’t trust anyone. I’m angry at the world, mostly at myself.
So my mistakes are lashing out at ppl who at the time we’re just trying to help. When ppl attacked me I tried to ruin their lives.
I’m disabled on top of that. I feel disadvantaged. So somewhere along the way I’ve given up and been on autopilot.
I recently bought a journal as I hear its highly recommended to write down my thoughts and emotions and it can be a tool in providing clarity and hopefully some sense to things.
So in 25-50 years if this journal survives and someone finds it and reads it. Would they read the writings of a man who found wisdom and content or of a mad man who never found peace?
I guess that’s ultimately up to me and at the same time I’m not even sure it even is?

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January 15, 2022Uncategorizedpatthehumandont, feel, found, like, mistakes, never, thats, them, they, think



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